The only solution, or the only one I've found, is to be purposeful in keeping your joy. We're not talking about happiness but straight up, hardcore Joy. That beautiful thing that makes the endless pile of laundry not quite so daunting and the diaper explosions laughable. Joy gives us the ability to unfocus on OUR problems, OUR worries, OUR struggles and see the bigger, brighter plan in it all. These are a few things that I've found to help me see that when I just want to curl up in a ball and eat chocolate.
#1 Let yourself fall in love with your kids
If there's one thing I've learned from my parents and my husbands parents it's that love covers a multitude of sins. Or better said here, "knowing that you love them no matter what covers a lot of mistakes with your kids". Growing up I never doubted that my parents loved me, and I knew that everything they did was out of their love for me and my brothers- even their mistakes. I may have hated getting spanked (which I was, very necessarily) or told being "no" but I knew I was loved and that made me want to please them more than anything else.
#2 Love your spouse
Our daughter is only 7 months old but she knows that in this house we adore daddy. Even in her tiny little space of comprehension she can see that momma loves daddy and so therefore she loves daddy too. In God's order of priorities He is first, then your marriage, THEN your children. If you weren't raised like that it can sound kind of mean to put a fully functional adult over helpless children, but believe me, you wouldn't be doing them any favors by letting your marriage slip away. Your marriage, your relationship with your spouse, is the foundation on which your children will learn to stand, if that breaks down so do they.
Think of it as keeping a fire lit. You're the oxygen, he's the fuel; you both need to be close, together on things, balanced, whatever you want to call it- to keep those little flames burning. God gave us this order for a reason, we are created to need this pattern in our lives.
#3 Realize that you are the best mom ever
No life is a mistake and therefore no parent is a mistake either. God gave you your children; they're crazy personalities, querks, everything, for a reason. And that reason is that you are the best person on the face of the earth to be their mom. He knows exactly what kind of a mother they need. YOU.
#4 Learn
I like to look at motherhood and wifedom as the super hardcore class on the fruits of the spirit. Seriously, look up Galatians 5:22-23, and tell me if there is one that we don't have to exercise daily. It's also kind of a 'learn as ya go' deal, so there have been, are, and will continue to be mistakes. Days where you throw your phone across the room in frustration (guiltily raises hand), spank your child to hard or often (we're not quite there yet with our daughter), or just yell (raises hand again). Afterwards, we (I) need to sit down and purposefully look at where we went wrong. What fruits do we (I) need to work on? Gentleness? Long-suffering?
Our children are one of God's biggest tools in teaching us His grand plan for us. Through motherhood He allows us to experience a fraction of His selflessness, mercy, and most of all, His love for us. I like to look at it as if He gives us the opportunity to see His love at an angle only for mothers.
#5 Love God
This is the key to everything, it makes all these points that I've laid out fall in place. So many times we (I) look to our (my) husband and children to fill our (my) emotional, physical, and spiritual needs but they're human, they are incapable of meeting all of our needs. Try as they might, they will fail and fail and fail again. But the beauty of it is that if we allow God to step in and fulfill all of those needs, which is what He truly wants to do, we are freed up to simply love and enjoy our spouses and children as they are. Flawed little beings, just like us.
I hope that you found this helpful and encouraging, I know that it was helpful for me to write it. Hopefully I didn't ramble too much and my comma placement isn't too atrocious. And if it is I guess you can get over it ;)
God bless,
Emily
